Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
So we witness the start of another new year, 2011. I imagine numerous like myself setting out on their pursuit to achieve new years resolutions, while others will be resolving to go against the grain and not set any new years resolutions at all. I have been part of the latter group in other years, however I have long decided it best to be in the first group so I can at least strive to be a better person (or better than last year).
I myself have made several lists which include goals I have had for several years and not yet achieved. While I have given up several times before, I have decided that this year will be different. Why? I can’t say for sure exactly why, but simply because I want this year to be different.
I am a single parent of a beautiful 4 year old girl, the ray of sunshine in my life (corny I know, but it’s true). I am aged 31 going on 32 this year, although I sometimes wake and think I could be 21. Like a lot of people I used to think that by the time I hit the 30 odd mark I would have pretty much lived my life. All the dreams I had as a kid involved adventure and discovery but never past the age of 30. I had no idea what came after 30 except that I’d be like my parents…married with children, working a stable job, settled and grown up.
Well I’ve never been married, never even been close to getting married, although I have one child. Her father is active in her life as long as I continue to push for it which can be very exhausting, however thats another story. I cannot say I’m settled as since I first left home at 17, I have never lived in any one place or held a single job for longer than 2 years. On the other hand I have managed to study, live and work in five different countries so I can say I have at least managed to get out into the world. I still itch to get out all the time, to explore the rest of the world doing something I love (if I only I knew what that was).
I’m sure there are plenty who could easily pinpoint several psychological theories behind my life’s choices and my current state. However for now, I am mostly concerned about what I can do from hereon – despite whatever limiting beliefs I may still have as a result of my childhood etc. I have made plenty of mistakes, or lessons, as Oprah likes to say “there are no mistakes, only lessons”. So with the new year here I have resolved to experience change and achieve real goals for myself. While I could list them all here now I might save that for another post.
My main goal is to find out what I love and to do more of it. At first I thought it would be easy enough until I was bombarded with all kinds of barriers – like how do I find time to learn piano again when I have a full-time job and a 4yr old child to care for? how do I pay for the dance class I want to take? will there be a bus to take me to the wealth seminar and bring me home in time to pick up my daughter from daycare before I get fined for a late pickup? It’s crazy what stupid barriers I find myself putting up each time I think I’ve reached a gold mine in life.
So I intend to do as many internet quizzes as I need to and research all the self-help sites I can if it means I can somehow obtain the knowledge required to achieve all my goals. If thousands of people world-wide are changing lives then I have absolute faith I can change mine. I have no idea how but I don’t care as long as I get there. I’ve spent so much time commuting on public transport for hours to work and back, taking my daugher to daycare, to kids birthday parties, the doctors, the dentist, struggling to keep up with payments, working up the courage to ask family to babysit so I can simply have time out etc. Surely there’s more to life than just trying to get by. I once thought it seemed selfish to dare ask for more rather than be grateful for what I do have.
So can I have it all this year? Well I say why not?
Happy New Year!